The American Revolution

Prof: Now what was the year of the American revolution?
Student: 1775
Prof: It was 1776! You learn that in a basic high school civics class.
Outside Prof: (walking by) Try kindergarden!

I got swag!

In a journalism class am overly confident student thinks the professor has paid him a compliment in HipHop jargon.
Student 1: Look at that Clint, the teacher says I got swag with an exclamation point.
Unimpressed his friend looks at the paper and gives it back.
Student 2: That says slug dummy.

The Power of Student Prayer

Running late to class one day, Dr. X goes to his classroom to hear his students clambering to start the class role. If Dr. X doesn't arrive within 15 mins of the start of class, they get to leave.
Student 1: Come on man hurry up with that role.
Student 2: How much time he got left?
Student 3: Two minutes!
Student 4: Oh thank you Jesus! Thank you Jesus!
Dr. X: I couldn't have said it better myself. Thank God I got here! I appreciate you all praying for my safe arrival!
Students groan...

The No Text Book Blues: It's Michael Jordan's Fault

It's the middle of the semester and student has every pair of Air Jordans but no text book.
Prof: I couldn't help but notice your shoe game, that's pretty tight.
Student: Yea, I know right! These are the Play Offs; I'm getting Space Jams tomorrow.
Prof: Yet, you're earning an F today with great success.
Student: How, I'm doing the work?
Prof: And you're doing it wrong, if you're doing it all. I never see you coming into the class with the books, which are required. But I see you coming into class with a pair of $200.00 sneakers every week. If you can buy shoes like that you can certainly buy the book?
Student: My brother bought these for me. My mom bought me a pair. And my boyfriend got me these.
Prof: Ok, I get that.. Why don't you ask them to buy your books?

Needless to say a new pair of Jordans came into class the next week.

The No Text Book Blues

Prof gets a phone call from a student during an open book online midterm:
Student: Dr. X I got a problem
Prof: what's going on?
Student: Your questions on the midterm.
Prof: it's an open book test that's online.
Student: We talked about this, you know I don't have the book.
Prof: what about the class readings you could have downloaded.
Student: those things are hard to read.
Prof: Well, that's why we have class meetings. What else can I do to help?
Student: You know I've been out of class.
Prof: Well, you got one answer correct.
Student: What's that?
Prof: You, certainly DO have a problem..

Plagiarism

Prof: I'm just going to be honest, I ran your paragraph through Google and word for word, what you wrote appeared on the screen. You didn't give any credit, that's called plagiarism.
Student: Your syllabus doesn't say anything about that, it just talks about cheating.

Essay Answers

Prof: Part of your test will be essay answers.
Student: So we need 140 characters, right?